Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
