I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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