You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
