I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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