I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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