i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
