Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
