I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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