I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
