I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
