Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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