If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
