i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There's always time for handjobs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
