I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
