dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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