D3 body, D1 cock
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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