you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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