just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
