That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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