At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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