I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
