I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
