i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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