I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
