She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
