I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
