If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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