I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
