When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
