Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
