here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
