It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Found the puke drawer
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
