I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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