Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
