I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
