What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
