Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
