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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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