Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
