My friends, they love my intelligence
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
