he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
