I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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