She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
