thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
