apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
