My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
