sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
