seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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