I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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