i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no, he came in my armpit
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
